Beware Health Nazi's

I am sick of all these health freaks making my world suck! You bastards took all the delicious trans fat away! Ever since they started that Olean crap, french fries suck! They literally make me sick! I wish all you stupid fuckers who think that if you eat healthy you will live longer would get hit by a bus. Your wrong, your going to die, it happens to all of us! I dont wanna be 90 and healthy, I wanna live my life eating good foods, even if it kills me! When I say good I mean taste, not health! You bastards are pissing me off with your fad diets and fucking pressuring fast food restaurants to serve healthy foods. When I was kid, we didnt have Happy Meals, but if we did I damn sure wouldnt have wanted apple slices in it! I want a cheeseburger and fries and a real non-diet Coca Cola! OOOh Americas kids are obese, blame the parent if your really that concerned. Every adult in this country knows that McFood is bad for you. So if you let your kid eat it, its your choice. Dont be pissed later when Johnny weighs more than you do! Stop telling me what I can and cannot do! I am an adult if I want to grow cholesterol in my vein farms, thats my business! Sure you can educate me of the choices, but dont take my choice away from me! I am sick and tired of a certain group of people telling the rest of us how to live! Bite my ass! Health Nazi bastard fuckers!

It's my birthday... blah

I am officially 41 as of today, woooooo. No, no wooooo. Damnit I dont wanna get old. My body is getting older but my spirit still feels young. I already got a present too. My dear mother gave me some nice warm winter socks, which I know some people would be like "whoop de doo socks?", not me, I want socks. My circulation aint so good no more, my feet get cold, so socks is a great gift. With winter creeping up on us, I will need those warm comfy socks. Dont Knock The Sock(s). She also gave me a magnifying glass. I have been dropping hints, I need one, I cant read small print like I used to could. So thank you dear mother. I will post a list of every gift I get, with gushing thanks of course. But I will truly be thankful for having friends and family who care enough to buy me a present. All you fuckers who dont get me anything, can bite my crusty old ass!

My Crazy Mother

My mom. What can I say, I love her. She gave me the best life she could. I have so many memories, where to begin. Well how about the time we vacationed in Florida. I got sun burned really bad, like horribly. My loving mother thought that it would feel good on my sunburn to splash around in the ocean. Remember, I love my mom, but she was wrong, that salty ocean water burned so bad all I could do was scream! People walking by on the beach looked at me like I was a retard afraid of the water. They had no idea I was screaming in pain, neither did my mother. I look back at that and laugh. I remember when the Fox River froze, the ice had began to break up, we walked along the shore. It sounded like a thousand tinking wine glasses. I will never forget that sound. My mom and I walked that shore a good long while, we found this huge block of ice that had been pushed on the land by the floe. We tried to push it back in the river but it was too heavy. There were a lot of moments like that, mom and I exploring. We also walked that riverbank looking for a dead body. Yeah, there was a girl who went missing one year, my mom being an amateur sleuth decided we should go look for her. We never found any bodies, thank God. My mom and I once discovered this hill that was wooded and it led up to train tracks, but the hill side was littered with old bottles and miscellaneous castoffs from many years. We found old Aurora brewery bottles, and I found one of the old ceramic bottle caps from the old Aurora brewery. I still have that little treasure today. If you cant tell I grew up in Aurora, Il. When they dammed the river to build the riverboat casinos, mom and I snuck over the fence and walked around on the river bed, I found an old bottle still corked. It has a giraffe on the side, I assume some sort of throat medicine or mouthwash. That was an experience I'll never forget. Not to mention that my boss, who lived across the street from that spot in the Leland Tower, saw me. Caught in the act. Back when I had graduated the sixth grade from Allen School, we took a field trip to Springfield. I came home and told my mom how great it was and I was disappointed that we didnt get to see everything. My mom planned a weekend trip for us to Springfield. I think she just wanted to see all the cool stuff I was telling her about. We had a lot of fun, we hit every museum in that town. The only bad part was the trying to sleep in a hotel room in downtown Springfield. Sirens and screeching tires all night long. I could go on and on, thanks to my mom I have a memory full of adventures. Thank You Mom!

Halloween is coming!

Halloween will be here soon! I am really excited, cant wait. Candy, Candy and more Candy. I love Halloween for all the scary movies, and the discount candy after Halloween. I dont wear costumes anymore, too old. We dont even get to give out candy, we live in a place that is unfavorable to trick or treaters. On a hill, with a nasty bend in the road, makes us out of reach. But we do make Halloween as fun as we can for ourselves. We have skeletons that we pull out of the closet and hang up. We buy lots of candy and just eat it. We watch scary movies. Sometimes we'll even jump in the car and take a drive by the old haunted house we used to live in. That part really scares the shit outta me, that house wants to kill me! But thats another story for another day.

My Crazy Wife

I love her, and she loves hamming it up for the camera!

There must be hundreds of pictures of her flipping the bird, she sees camera, middle finger flies! Most of the bird pics happen during holidays, as you can see by the Mr. & Mrs. Claus behind her. This one is the only one she would allow me to put online.

I love this lady so much, she is my rock. She is sensible, smart and forward thinking. Whereas I am a dreamer, sometimes stupid, and often a flake. She truly is my better half. I thank God for her! She also reels me in, when I go off the deep end. She keeps me sane. I couldnt live without her. Best part of all, she is crazy about me!

Ooooh, Evil Kitty

Screwball, during a full moon!

Just kidding, camera flash made his eyes look like that. He has very large green eyes, when he was a kitten we called him Alien Kitty, cuz his eyes were huge.

I believe in Aliens!

Yeah thats right, I said it! Aliens exist, they are real and they are out there! Sometimes I think I'm an alien or at least half alien. I watch all those UFO shows on tv. I believe. I've even personally witnessed unidentifiable objects in the skies over my town. Things that cannot be explained. Aliens are real. If any real aliens read this blog, please come get me! I want to cruise around in your ships! Wouldnt that be awesome?! I want to meet you personally. Email me, leave a comment or beam me up! C'mon aliens I'm one of you, Im more evolved than the rest of humanity! Pick me, Pick me!

Turbo, the Wonder Dog! ...and Zombie Dog!

This is our baby, Turbo, and he really is wondrous, erm, and a ...Zombie!

We received him as a gift from my sister in law.

He got his name when we first got him, he was cowering nearby when I yelled at my wife, "Are you gonna play that stupid turbo all nite?" Turbo21 to be exact on Pogo.com. He charged from his hiding place and began barking at me. So we named him Turbo.

Zombie? Yes Zombie, you read correctly. He was once involved in a fight with a much larger dog, taking on things bigger than him is classic Turbo, the bigger dog beat the living crap out of him time and time again. Turbo would always go back for more. One night my wife was leaving the driveway, heading to the store, there he was laying in the road, to all appearances dead. My brother and my son got a shovel and a garbage bag, to move him out of the road and bury him. My bro went to scoop him up with the shovel, and about 5 inches off the ground on the shovel, Turbo stood up and ran home. My bro and my son still talk about the day the dog rose from the dead. They even checked him good first to make sure he was dead. So we call him the Zombie Dog.

My wife is so attached to him that he sleeps with us at night, she calls him, "My Baby". He's my hero, my son likes to play fight, when he pretends to hit me or my wife, the dog goes nuts, to the point of trying to bite. I told my son that if the dog bit him it was his own fault. You cant provoke a dog then get mad if they bite you.

Why is he wondrous you ask, he can open the door and let himself in or out, he obeys better than any dog I have ever seen. He watches for cars when he crosses the street to pee on the neighbors trees. Our neighbor even said that he is the smartest dog hes ever seen. Turbo has another Momma, the lady across the street gives him food and even takes him in and gives him baths. Sometimes he comes home smelling like flea shampoo. We dont know the lady, but Turbo does, if shes ok by him, shes ok by us. We dont mind sharing such an incredible dog.

My Best Friends

Alice, sweet Alice.

Ginger, mother of Alice, Oddball, and Rusty.

Oddball, rest in peace kiddo.

Screwball, father of Oddball, Rusty, and Alice. AKA Big Black Booty Daddy.

Rusty, rest in peace Lil Buddy.

We started with just Screwball and Ginger, then they had kittens, Rusty, Oddball, Alice, and Frankenhead(Not Pictured). Oddball was sick from the beginning, we always expected her death. Rusty lost his life in a tragic accident. Frankenhead we gave to my wifes father, and his life was taken by a large male cat. Frankenhead was fluffy and white, he got his name because he was the biggest of the litter and had an abnormally large head.

Alice got her name from an old Dr. Hook song, you know the one "Alice, Alice, who the fuck is Alice"

Oddball got her name because she was the only one to actually resemble her father, Screwball.

Rusty got his name because we couldnt think of a name for him, my son started calling him Rusty cuz of his color. He had many nicknames, McLovin, McNugget, Lone Wolf, Rustbucket, Rusty Cage, Rustic.

Yeah I love my cats.

Blogging is fun!

I write several blogs on many subjects, but none of them are about me! So this one is about me! I come from a dysfunctional family, but no details, dont want them nuts hatin me! I got a beautiful wife, who I love more than life itself. Two great kids who annoy the crap outta me everyday. I am a huge wrestling fan. I am constantly thinking up get rich quick schemes, but usually someone already did it or it only appeals to nuts like me. I have three cats and a dog. Ooh I'll post their pics! My mom is in her 70's and still full of life, and ornery as a rattlesnake! But I love her dearly. Dont tell her, but I intend to put a pic of my mom on here too. I also intend to sneak a few other family photos past my wife!